A place that is no place

In some small measure, I'm glad that not a lot of people still stay tune to this little virtual space of mine. No need for answers...

If I'm honest with myself, no place is exactly where I am right now. Neither all in or skimming the surface. I've managed to withdraw so much of myself that its difficult to get back into the hang on things - the staying in touch, the investing, the being there, or just being available.

Right now, it's the touch and go, the remember and encourage, the give when I make it convenient. It happens when I've come full circle in the whole guilt & balance game. If I can't be there entirely, if I'm torn between two places at once...I might as well just let go of the whole.

....and to top it all off, I feel that I've changed. And not necessarily for the better. I'm a little more jaded and cynical, more easily judgemental and quick to write things off. Where I used to be more easy-going, now I'm more selective. Dependent...

And I know, I just know....this is just the beginning of the tearing down and pruning.

So if I'm not exactly friendly or very open, please just bear with me. I'm trying to get back into the system. Find that balance to the crazy type that she talks about...and maybe, I'll find that certain joy once again.